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This is something I’ve been meaning to do for a little while now, but haven’t had something to give me enough drive to get me started. As it is National Invisible Illness Awareness Week in the United States, it has given me the drive I need.

Kinky Disability is the start of a new series about the intersections of being kinky while disabled, offering support and safety advice for those with physical or mental health concerns not typically addressed by the BDSM community. This series is open to guest posts to talk about all sorts of disabilities, concerns and workarounds for various kinky activities as well as personal stories and experiences. If you are interested in contributing, feel free to shoot me an email at staticnonsense at live dot com.

I started to get involved with the BDSM community around the same time as I was exploring and beginning to understand more about myself, including the vast diversity of physical and mental health issues that would have to be taken into consideration when participating in scenes, interactions with other kinksters, accessibility to play parties, gatherings, munches…

As I delved deeper and deeper trying to find resources for such things, I found shockingly little. But it’s still a common concern, as I and many others have gotten together and talked about the various possible risks and workarounds amongst each other. Largely because we had to – there were so few resources available to address our concerns and questions that we had to turn to each other. Which can contribute to a more close knit local community, but this leaves such answers inaccessible to everyone outside of that local community, and inaccessible to anyone who cannot get together in such a way.

But what bothered me even more was why there is so little available resources to kinksters with disabilities. An overall lack of support from the BDSM community.

BDSM is risky. There’s a lot of opportunity for things to go wrong, and safety is a huge factor as a result. Conferences and lectures are held around the world talking about the safety concerns of various practices within BDSM. And frequently because of this focus on safety, the idea becomes that if one is disabled and has major health concerns, physical or mental, it becomes even riskier. Too risky, leaving many of us in the dust simply because of aspects of who we are.

Here’s the thing. It’s okay to be kinky.

Even if you have disabilities or chronic illness or past trauma, it’s okay.

People may tell you that it’s too dangerous. Or that you can’t make rational decisions. Or that you’re too unstable.

The fact of the matter is, they say this because in truth they do not know. They don’t know what to say, what to think, what to feel, what to offer you for information or support. It’s a huge grey area for many, and they don’t know how to address it. So they just pass over it instead of admitting this fact.

But the thing about disability is that the person that knows your mind, body and functionality best is you. You know the risks for yourself, what you can and cannot do, whereas others can only guess and speculate.

It’s okay to be kink. It’s okay to be sexual. In a world with disability, everything we do requires extra care and consideration for how it must be done in order for our safety and well-being. Why be in denial of a part of ourselves that requires the same thing as everything else we do? Like so many other things, there are workarounds, innovation, creative thinking and self-awareness. All it takes is application of this. You don’t have to shut it out in yourself, and you don’t have to listen to others insisting you do or shutting you out themselves.

Because at the end of the day, despite all hardships, we’re still disabled and kinky. And that’s okay.