call to arms: Help save Dryads Rest

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Break Edition, generalized rants, personal

this is not something that i typically do. but we are in desperate need of your help.

my aunt, widowed and living in extreme poverty, has been served an eviction notice from her mortgage lender. this lender, being a part of a nation-wide classist housing scheme and financial crisis from the illegal inflation of false debts, has been relentless when addressed and asked for assistance. they seek to drain every penny from her, despite her self-employment in a dying field.

she currently lives in the middle of rural woodlands, in a rundown and falling-to-pieces house with the company of her goats and dozens upon dozens of extravagant hand-made costumes of various eras. she rents out this property to groups in LARPing [live action roleplaying] communities and groups developing systems of roleplay therapy for neuroatypical folk, such as those in the autistic spectrum. this property is her only semi-reliable source of income, aside from rarely selling a costume to a customer. with my family and i on the other side of the country and both of my grandparents on her side of the family deceased, she will have nowhere to turn to.

my mother has set up a donation button through paypal on my aunt’s blog page. but even if you cannot donate yourself, please try to help us help her by signal boosting this call. link it to people, reblog on tumblr, any way you can. we need all the help we can get.

break edition: “side projects”

so since i’ve been in an oddly timed relapse i haven’t had much energy to write anything expansive.

but! i have taken up a few responsibilities that mean quite a bit to me, for several reasons. i hope they will be of help to others as much as they have been for me.

if either of these projects are inaccessible in some way, please let me know! the easiest method of getting in touch with me is through email, available on my About Me page.

f yeah schizotypy!

from the about section on the tumblog page:

f yeah schizotypy is a tumblog developed by static nonsense meant to help bring awareness to the very real experiences and issues those within the schizotypal spectrum face. this page is open to anything within the spectrum (schizotypal, schizoid, schizophreniform, schizoaffective and schizophrenia). right now it will be focused on small bits of writing and reblogs, though eventually it may be open to submissions.

a large part of the reason why this page feels necessary is because of the levels of misinformation and the misconceptions surrounding the conditions within this spectrum. we want to counteract this with the voices of those affected, not the voices of the majority or doctors. too often are we erased in favor of someone else’s views on our experiences. here, that will not happen.

i got the idea after coming across the f yeah autism spectrum tumblog. knowing from experience how scarce awareness information and presence is about the schizotypal spectrum, i decided to extend what i often do here to the commonly known medium of tumblr where there is a sea of potential for reblogs. right now i’ve only been able to present my own experiences and counter the occasional ignorance, but i hope to expand this and even possibly open up submissions. i want to show the world that we are here, what we experience, what we face in this world. i want us to have a voice in a world where doctors and scientists attempt to speak for us, and societies that attempt to silence us.

Erana’s Peace

note: the site provided does offer two skins designed for visibility aid, one that has white backgrounds with black text and another that has black backgrounds with white text. currently they are selectable by a drop-down menu toward the bottom of the page – i have not found a way to move that or to make them accessible through other means by nonmembers. there is also a script at the top of the page that allows you to choose the font size of the page, again in a drop-down menu. browser scripts must be enabled for the site in order for each function to work.

a brief description found on the portal of the website:

We are a social justice and acceptance guild built on the Wyrmrest Accord (US) server in Blizzard’s MMO World of Warcraft. While the originally established guild is Horde, we are a community open to all members on all servers, factions and countries around the world. We seek to be open and accepting of all members, current or future, providing a haven from systematic oppression and a community of solidarity and union.

being a gamer and having my own experiences with marginalization, i wanted a place in the game i play the most (WoW) where i could feel comfortable with myself amidst the toxic environment of the gaming community, and where others could have that sense of comfort. after numerous failed attempts, my fiancé and i decided to just make it ourselves. this is where the vast majority of my energy has been going [outside of living of course!], as we attempt to create and further develop this desperately needed space for so many members of our community, gaming or otherwise. no space is ever perfect, and as such it is in constant development. but we are doing our best, and are more than welcoming of anyone who feels the draw or desire of inclusion for such a place.

as it is getting late here [early? it is technically morning] i really should cut this short. i might expand on it later when my brain is less fatigued. but right now, we will see where the road takes us.

Of new years

Tags

Break Edition, personal

I had two or so paragraphs to this, but they disappeared. This is what I get for keeping tabs open.

In good news though, I have Dragon NaturallySpeaking now, so writing those two paragraphs again should be significantly easier. This also means (possibly) more writing for the future. Huzzah. I won’t be able to make up my own words though unless I write them in. Poo.

Anyway, New Years.  Since I work in retail New Years doesn’t really start on the first of the year for me.  It kind of starts a few days afterwards.  Fortunately things are finally starting to slow down, so that’s a plus. Unfortunately my Sweetie is now gone after His two week vacation. Which of course makes me sad. After His finals were over He came up to visit me and my family for Christmas. And while He was up here, He helped me and my brother switch rooms so that I can more easily access everything upstairs. Yay, no more flights of stairs! He also set up a few accessibility tweaks throughout the room, which is really helping.

Anyway, I guess you could say I’m back for the most part,  but writing may be a little slow for right now since I’m still getting used to the whole speech recognition software thing.  I have a post that I wrote for the upcoming Assistance Dog Blog Carnival (founded by Sharon of After Gadget) and I’ll get that up as soon as I can.  The rest will be sort of touch and go until I can get back into the swing of things. In the meanwhile, brb more WoW!

Break Edition: So About That Winter Thing

Tags

Break Edition, generalized rants, personal

It’s that time of year again. The chill is coming – it’s been coming ever since, oh, September. I’ve felt it, not just in my skin but in my bones. As the clicking and creaking worsened, I knew to prepare for what is to come.

The good news is, thanks to that health care reform bill, the age limit for my mother’s insurance through her work has extended from 18 to 26. Not only that, but they can’t deny me anymore based on the fact that I’m ill. So starting January, I’ll have health care again. I’ll have to do what I can to help the family pay for it, as we’ve had to switch plan types due to the level of care I need and the costs that go with it. But if this means being able to keep my job and do it with lessened pain in comparison to past years, that’s a small price to pay in my book. After all, I need the health care in order to afford the health care (funny how that works).

This is a big thing for me since state health care has failed me numerous times already. One insisted that I could work a 40 hour work week “with or without reasonable accommodations” (of which I’ve never had access to) after having looked at me for 15 minutes, even with the cane. Another kept sending me to doctors that would focus on the things I didn’t wish to focus on (weight, yay), and we struggled with language barriers a lot. The last time I got adequate care from a doctor that was willing to listen to me was from the (first) doctor that was treating me for my work related injury, paid for by my work and never have the chance to see again, who wants me to see a rheumatologist (again) because of my hypermobility, fibro and chronic inflammation issues. I still remember the grimace on his face when I told him of all the tests I’ve had done, with no one actually sending me the test results as if I didn’t really need to know.

So since this means I have a bit longer to try to find a doctor I can communicate with and work with on a regular basis, try to get things established and while we may not look into possibility quite yet, at least get a level of regular care and regime established. What I’m hoping is that we’ll be able to set up possible accommodations required to go back to school. Since psychiatric care will be covered as well, I can talk to someone about requesting a private room should I need to live in dorms on campus. A private room is essential to my success as a student and my overall health. I’d love to be able to work with a service animal, though I’m not sure I’d be considered eligible with my current diagnoses unless it were to be trained as a psychiatric service animal. But I would need someone that can help with both the psychological elements and the physical. We’ll see how things go.

The bad news is, chill means more joint pain. Seeing as I live in a basement bedroom in the north, where things are cold and become snowy, this is progressing quite quickly. It’s taking its toll on my hands, and writing posts is becoming exceedingly more difficult. Especially given that I still do not have diction software. I’m still torn between saving up for that or an iPod Touch (for all of my PDA-style assistance device needs). Eventually I’ll get both, but if I choose the latter before the former, it means there will be less posts for a while until things warm up.

I’ll still be on Tumblr and Twitter, lurking and posting in small bursts. Though don’t be surprised if I go silent for periods of time as I’m still gaming despite the pain, since it’s one of the few things that helps me cope with the winter months. And Cataclysm is fast approaching – there’s so much to still get done. I’ll also still be working on general ideas for future posts, especially the Kinky Disability series as that’s something I’ve been meaning to add to for a while, but nothing concrete will be posted for a while.

Don’t get yourselves in too much trouble on the intertubes :P I’ll see y’all around.

What’s this? A blog award?

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Break Edition

One of the images used for the Versatile Blogger Award. The background is green with random faint, cursive words decorating it. The words The Versatile Blogger are written in black in the center of the image. There is a stamp of a yellow-lined flower with many small petals in the lower right corner.

 

A little while ago Astrid over at Astrid’s Journal passed on the Versatile Blogger Award over to me. Which makes me giddy and want to dance.

This particular blog award comes with a meme. You’re supposed to share 7 facts about yourself, and then pass it on to other people you feel are versatile bloggers. The number of bloggers to pass to seems to vary, which is good because I still don’t know a whole lot of people and some of those that I was going to pass it to already have it. Oops!

Some facts about me:

1. Depending on when you ask me, I have several different “favorite” colors. The general consensus is grey, black, red, army green and blue.
2. I hate odd numbers. Completely and utterly. This includes “even” numbers that include odd numbers in them such as 76, and can include decimals. So yes, I hate pi. The only odd number I can deal with for the most part is 5, because it results in consistent, even increments of 5. Half of which are even numbers anyway.
3. My favorite food/ingredient is cheese. This is a problem, considering one of my IBS triggers is almost any form of dairy (minus organic, pro-biotic yogurt). I also grew up on quiche, one of my favorite dishes. One can imagine that the idea of my favorite dishes making me sick makes me go D:
4. I rarely say hi to people. Instead, I’ll poke them or sometimes say things like “quack”, “mrow” or “moo”.
5. I hate cameras. Likewise, I hate photos. Much for the same reason that I dislike mirrors, because they remind me that this “me” is a conglomerate within the body of someone else (who no longer runs), a body that feels foreign and can’t very easily change with my shifting of self-identity. Unlike mirrors, photos become a permanent reminder of this because they capture that instance and do not change if one changes their presentation. That one photo will always look how it does, unless you alter it yourself.
6. I consider fractals (including flame fractials) and the digital art created from such to be a form of technomancy. I don’t use the term in the sense that people are familiar with it though, because I don’t consider such energy to be “magical”. It is an extension of the self, bending technology to your Will. I think of hacking in the same manner.
7. I used to draw. I quit due to self-esteem issues, and while I’d like to take it back up, my joint pain, trigger finger and inflammation problems make this to be quite difficult. So I avoid it in favor of other forms of self-expression.

People I’m passing the Versatile Blogger Award to:

• Arwyn at Raising My Boychick
• RMJ at Deeply Problematic
• Annaham at ham blog and FWD/Forward
• Ouyang Dan at random babble… and FWD/Forward
• Anna, also at FWD/Forward

And that’s as far as my brain is going to go today on just two cups of tea.

Things That Make My Life Easier: Computers

Tags

Break Edition, neurodiversity

Things That Make My Life Easier is a series started by Amandaw, who blogs at three rivers fog and Forward/FWD, to talk about the various things in her life that she uses to make things easier for her. In August she opened up the series for contributions from other bloggers with disabilities – so if you’re interested, check it out!

I remember my family’s first computer. I was a little kid, maybe four or five. I used to play Mickey Mouse games on it through DOS, where you could juggle shapes during a magic show or go to a vegetable fair. You could even wander around in his house and watch television or water the flowers (who would get cranky and give you a sad face if you didn’t). My father, noticing that I loved these games so much and working so often since he and my mother were in the Navy at the time, taught me how to boot up these games myself so I could entertain myself when they were busy. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them that, because they can’t imagine how a toddler could operate DOS successfully.

That was just the beginning.

Later on in life I started to find other uses for them. Especially when I had access to the internet. When I interact with people in real life, my natural body language and odd use of the English language can confuse people. And on top of that I have a difficult time understanding people, what they’re saying due to auditory processing issues, my brain’s translation of their body language, and a whole host of other things. What’s worse, this all escalates when I’m under serious levels of stress, of which school was filled to the brim with.

Computers, and their wonderful ability to connect to the internet, brought me to online forums and chat programs. All of a sudden, I could edit my words before I submitted them! I could read them and think to myself, “does this make sense?” and check to see if I’m using a word incorrectly if it doesn’t. Body language was no longer an issue in either direction. It was less direct, the computer and internet feeling like a protective barrier between me and the world, allowing the anxiety of more direct communication to melt away. And if my brain was having a hard time articulating things, I could spend more time trying to hash out what I’m trying to say instead of just blurting it out and there being all sorts of confusion and miscommunication.

This enabled me to connect with people in a way that was never possible before. Before, interaction was distressing and often left me in fear of the people around me. Hell, it still does, and I’ve been known to IM people that are in the same room as me because that’s how I feel most comfortable communicating. I constantly worried about people picking on me for pronouncing things wrong because of how my brain processes language, or stuttering and stumbling over my words. I didn’t have to worry about that anymore. I felt happier, more relaxed, and like I could be myself.

As the years progressed I expanded my use of them into gaming, programming and tinkering. Gaming allowed me to separate myself from the world and disappear into an interactable fantasy world with its own story, rules and mechanics. I could get away from people, the world and all of its hardships by absorbing myself into something completely unrelated, and during periods of high stress it works to ground me due to the levels of interaction it requires. Programming gave me access and control over different forms of language that have very specific rules and structure, things I could understand much better than the grammar rules of spoken and written language. And that in turn allows me to feel closer and more connected with the technology I use, allowing me to feel more comfortable and shape it into different things and the tasks I need it to do for me.

We understand each other. They communicate to me in very direct, easy to understand and easy to follow language that isn’t clouded by these arbitrary rules of body language and social interaction. And in turn they listen and do exactly what I tell them to do – even if I tell them to do the wrong thing. And they give me a window to communicate and interact with the rest of the world, in an environment that I can control and feel more comfortable existing in.

I have no idea how I would manage without them.

Break Edition: Things are Looking Up

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Break Edition

Edit: I’m going to be making some theme changes. I’m going to do my best to keep as much accessibility in mind as I can remember (I just love how few themes have trackback available), but if there is anything I have missed in a theme I’m trying out, please let me know. Thanks!

Yay for generalized updates.

Life seems to be smiling on me lately because a lot of things have been taking a turn for the better, things that I was seriously starting to worry about. My brother, having turned 18 this year, magically managed to afford a car of his own, so the spare that my parents had will be available for me whenever I need it. Apparently our mémé (grandmother) still had stocks that she bought for us when we were little, and my brother’s amounted to a good $1,500. Supposedly I still have some laying around somewhere, though I don’t recall ever seeing them when I reached 18. It’s possible that I misplaced them but I hope not!

Later on when I start getting paid my dad’s going to transfer the title of the spare car over to me. It’s old and needs frequent repairs, but I will be able to transport myself to where I need to go. Considering we live around half an hour from the nearby cities, a vehicle is the only accessible way to reach it since the bus system doesn’t reach out this far. And I won’t get strangers staring at me on public transportation for having a cane at my age. Hurrah!

In terms of work, I recently got a job offer. One that I know will give me a stable number of hours a week (albeit on a part time basis), and actually pays more than minimum wage. It’s at a company that has a lot of well-known issues (unfortunately a close friend has had to experience the bullshit firsthand), but right now I will take anything. I don’t plan on being there for very long, as I hope to get back into school while I’m here and move on with my life. No other retail job around here will pay above minimum wage and I have experience with the people there. We know and respect each other, which will make work much easier. Not to mention the douchebag that harassed me and talked about me behind my back was fired. Oh the relief.

Even healthcare is looking better. The insurance company that my mother gets her policy from recently extended their age limit for the children of policy holders from 18 to 26. Which means that most of the testing that I need done, which is a lot, will be covered. I don’t have access to it for a few months, though I wouldn’t have anyway because the state healthcare has a restriction of 60 days if you recently left your job.

Throw this all together and hopefully this means I can get into stable treatment, and then possibly school again (which was the general plan in me coming back here). Just community college for right now, since I need to get back into the swing of things and get used to balancing work and school, as well as disability and school. The latter I never had the opportunity to do. By the way folks, if you’re still exploring the boundaries of your disability/ies, do not go into a quarter system university. Bad idea. Baaaaaaad. I cannot stress that enough.

Things are improving. I’m going to make it. I can feel the stress melting off of my shoulders. Even with so many uncertainties still out there, I feel like I’m going to make it. This is quite a feeling for me, one that I’m not exactly used to.

So I’m going to go sit back and enjoy this feeling with my cup of coffee now. Cheers :)

Dear World, Break Edition!

Tags

Break Edition, Dear World, generalized rants

This is going to be the start of some intermittent break posts for some more generalized rants, filled with snark and love, to help take the occasional break from more in-depth issues. And the occasional amusing image. Enjoy!

Dear strangers at the grocery store and other various locations:
People with disabilities, especially those with assistive devices, are not there for you to gawk and stare at. And yes, you staring at my cane is obvious. I realize that many of you have to look down to see me, but you don’t have to look that far down.

Dear strangers in the parking lot:
Don’t honk at me when I take a close parking spot that I need. I don’t have a handicapped marker yet, otherwise I would have used the spot that was right next to the one I took. If you can walk the extra distance from another spot, please do so. Don’t use your laziness as a excuse to rage at me. Also, don’t squeeze your car behind mine when I’m trying to pull out of my parking spot during snowy weather, it’s not safe. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the money or the spoons to deal with a car crash right now.

Dear strangers on the road:
When it’s snowing outside, use your fucking lights and blinkers when you drive. It’s hard enough seeing your car, throw that on top of reduced visibility from the snow and you not using your headlights and blinkers and you’re asking for a car crash.

Dear grocery store cashiers:
For many of you, your hearts are in the right place. Your brains aren’t. When I organize groceries on the belt for you, I do this for a reason. Please bag them accordingly. Do not put my sour cream and coffee creamer in with the boxes of cereal and tea, cold items should go together to help maintain their temperature. I also don’t want my boxes to get soggy. Also avoid putting cans in with the eggs. I break eggs when I’m cooking, I don’t want them pre-broken for me. It’s very messy that way. Also, don’t put all of the cans and glass jars or other heavy items together in one bag, especially if I tell you not to or it’s clear that I won’t be able to carry them easily. And just because I have someone with me doesn’t mean they can carry them any more easily than I can – my girlfriend is disabled too, even if you can’t tell, and heavy bags can be just as problematic for her as they are for me.

Dear café baristas:
When you’re making an order that has a specific temperature request, the worst thing you can possibly do is walk away. How are you supposed to make sure the temperature is adequate when you aren’t even watching what you’re doing?!

Dear apartment complex neighbors:
When the plow trucks are trying to plow the parking lots, be polite. Don’t be lazy. If you are able to, move your cars so they can plow the parking spaces. Now our section of the parking lot isn’t plowed and probably won’t be until the next snow storm. Thank you so much, I always wanted to slip and fall on my ass!

Much love,
SN

PS: Here, have a kitty!

A grey and white cat lays on a black and grey mat, laid out on a beige sofa. Laid out next to the cat is a collection of four black bondage floggers. On the image is a white text caption saying "Kitteh O' Nine Tails Brings Teh Pain".